Dear Fran,
Recently I have noticed a rash on my arm. I didn't think much about it until the other day I saw that it had traveled all the way to down to my butt. I went to my doctor but he didn't have a clue. I have been through a battery of tests but still do not know what the rash is on my butt or how to cure it. Please help me.

Signed: Boston Butt Rash

Dear BBR,
Your problem is one that should not be taken too lightly. Fortunately, you have come to the right source. Naturally, I know all there is to know about Butt Rashes and it was quite perceptive of you to realize this before embarking on more tests. After researching this thoroughly (3 or 4 min.), I've discovered this is the precursor to the much aligned Butt Head condition! I advise allowing your Butt to breathe 'O Natural' for a full 30 min. per day. It may be too late to stop the transfer to Butt Head but it should amuse your neighbors (providing you still have any after your first 'showing')!

Fran Slanders