Dear Fran,
My assistant at work talks ALL THE TIME. She talks to the machines. She talks to the computers. She talks to the file cabinets (Hey, you, file cabinet. What do you think you are doing sticking that drawer out right in front of my feet?!!") She tells me every move she makes. She tells me every thought she thinks. She interrupts what I am doing and says, "Hey, I'm filing the card now." I say, "Good." She says "I'm filing them under 'C', for 'cards'." I say, "uh-huh." She sees I am not paying attention to her, so she asks a question. She says, "Right? Isn't that what I should do? What would you do?"
I can't fire her - it is civil service. I can't quit myself - I need the money. HELP ME
Susan

Dear Susie,

I actually have some insight into your annoying problem. Many years ago when I was young and had amnesia, I worked in civil service. As luck would have it, one day my memory miraculously returned and I began my true job 'talking to complete strangers about their inner most secrets and sharing those secrets with other complete strangers'.
Naturally, you will need a small tape recorder. You must record the following message "I'm very sorry, but I'm much too disinterested to talk to you now. Please tell my machine." Each time your assistant talks to you just press the play button and continue on your way. It's very important you maintain your 'code of silence'. Eventually, she may begin to push the play button on her own! Although, recent studies with laboratory rats and civil services indicate your training of your assistant may require much time, care and patience! I would recommend reinforcing her behavior immediately with a snack once she progresses to pushing the play button. Good Luck!
Fran Slanders